dumbfounded!!!

I am puzzled. Puzzled coz I am the only person on this earth who was blessed, blessed with such an amazing soul and could feel the spiritual vibes through her. I guess I was so blessed that even the thing called god got jealous and he set it up for me to loose it with agony and pain. This pain which is burning me very deep inside and sometime takes me to the point where I feel like giving up on everything completely. once and for all. It compels me to ask the question as why..why it is so difficult every time when anything has to do with me or my presence. Why could not I live without having such a heavenly presence and now when I realize the fact how much empty I am. I need to write it all down to make myself understand that it is just not about 2 people but it includes all the surroundings which is slowing evolving as a monster trying to eat me inside out but still keep me alive to bear the pain. I ask what is so wrong, is it something as am I being chosen to set forth an example? I was never like this before till I surrendered myself completely in front of you but then why I let loose it right infornt of me. It is still there so close yet so far. Close enough for me to have before I tomorrow’s sunlight but far enough only to wait till next life.

All I can say is that I am waiting for a miracle or havoc!! In either case, I now understood that I don’t have any other option and desire left to walk with hands held down!! Just be my miracle or death..but you be the one!!! Pls!!

krazy stupid me!!

Not able to stop getting into the memories which were a part of real me back in past. All the time when we were together and time stopped to look at how much love was pouring into, how we used to melt with each other and this feeling is just getting better in me. Extensively intensified!! I just wish that you would not be going through the same feeling its just killing me slowly but surely. I don’t know what to do to divert my mind. Everything just seems to have your impact on me. It suddenly just come from nowhere and pierce right through my heart, taking away my soul to an endless journey, leaving behind stiff, twisted body on floor.

I still see myself standing there and looking at that silhouette who just kept going away from me. I am still standing there my baby and oh my god what a feeling it is that I can literally walk the fire for you. Just for you!! Fuck..I am so much in love with you that I have gone numb. Nothing amazed me anymore, nothing make me feel any pain. It is all with you. I want to live or burn just in your memories. All the love and pain you gave me was precious and I guess it reached to a point where everything was magical. All the moments, the love we had, the time we spent together , the sound of your breath resonates in my ears, your heartbeat pacing with mine and the glow in your skin with my kiss. Your getting awake with bad dreams and me sitting whole night kept watching you sleep peacefully. I guess I lived the best of my life in just watching you sleep. I have been feeling this all along and you won’t believe how much it has changed me in and out.

I won’t complain, I won’t say a single word. I will just smile whenever I get to hear you and I will keep living till it lasts wishing that you be fine wherever you are. May be time runs the race against me but its okay. As long as the last smile I see on your face is coz of me, I will find myself staying inside me peacefully.

No matter where you are, how you going to be, all I know that I am not able to complete the circle of life coz the broken piece which fits it perfectly is you my princess and nothing else can replace it but you!!