I deleted this blog earlier but it is so adhesive to me that I could not resist putting it again
Agitation
World, in its own entirety is so wide and big that measuring it sometimes proves a stupid idea. However when I look around the kind of circumstances I am going through, I feel that my world has been squeezed into a small surrounding. Its been a while that I have been observing the perfect timing for all the shitty things happening to me and I am only left with the unanswered question ‘Why’?
‘Why’ has been becoming the very regular question in my life and ironically none of these whys are solvable through any effort I make. These ‘whys’ so belong to *********** kind of situations. I might at time feel that I am being selfish but it is not about one thing or other, I mean of course I would like to remain settle in what I am doing, why it is happening at this very time that having forgotten every other things, I have been working out to avoid this unsettlement. People say every day is a different day but why then I wake up every morning and find that there is nothing changed from yesterday. Why, it seems that I am counting my days as if I am going to die or something?
Well may be not in literal terms, but surely these Whys are making me weaker day by day and I see world is going little away from me.
How drastically everything gets changed suddenly that you feel like losing grip on everything: Friends, food, work, fun, life ; All of these used to be the color of life which I used to cherish, all of these are still present but have become so colorless. I mean why?
Why its only me? I am not aware of what kind of phase other people going through, for sure, yes but if I see people around me, I bet my 2 cents that world seems pretty okay for them, at least for now. I was talking to so many people and somehow managed to come to the conclusion that although shit happens in everyone’s life but not with the kind of frequency, it happens in my life. Over the course of my life , if I collate all incidences, It is so surprising to see that journey so far has not been so bad but we live in present, in every day’s small activities which actually leave deep impact in the life. Amazingly it is making sure that all aspect of my life, be it career, social, personal life, everything is F-up.
Sometimes I feel that is it me whose presence is making other people’s life little deteriorated? I am not being hard on me but everyone around me is so messed up in life that I compel to think that it has some invisible links to my awesome misfortune.
One thing I seriously want to pray to God to not be so kind by giving me a feel of anything and than take it away, seriously I am fed up with this and I really don’t want your such graciousness. Leave me alone on my situation and don’t bring up new things in my life. I DON’T WANT THEM!! AM SICK OF IT!!!
I am so tired of keep trying now but I wont let my life go away with circumstances for sure. At least not now. This is, I guess, would be one of those times, where I need to stand tall, stand firm or probably just stand……
I have lost my hope for any miracle for a while, hate to say that though!! It is just typical me who can not just let things dominate me so easily, not a type or person who can let things go away just like that but I have started feeling to have it done in this way. To just relax and see myself going deep down in a abyss. At least let me do it in this way, why I can not see me going down and always try to stop it. May be this is the only thing in my life which kept me being up and running. I am not done yet but what I should do? Timing is flying by and I need a miracle so here I am, lying down and waiting for it. Is there any one up there has time for me?? Look here, rescue me!!!
Ooops……no answer
No answer but I will be waiting till the it lasts…lets see what is there for me in the future’s hidden pocket. Enough of this procrastination and enough of this if and else conditions. Let’s face it and face it with neutral emotional quotient.
Up somewhere the moon decided to come out with his full strength and sun finally decided to give up with the promise to come tomorrow with revived energy and I am personifying it with myself and decided to take a full stop here. Not only for this blog but also for the all kind of thought processing
