Agitation

I deleted this blog earlier but it is so adhesive to me that I could not resist putting it again


Agitation


World, in its own entirety is so wide and big that measuring it sometimes proves a stupid idea. However when I look around the kind of circumstances I am going through, I feel that my world has been squeezed into a small surrounding. Its been a while that I have been observing the perfect timing for all the shitty things happening to me and I am only left with the unanswered question ‘Why’?

‘Why’ has been becoming the very regular question in my life and ironically none of these whys are solvable through any effort I make. These ‘whys’ so belong to *********** kind of situations. I might at time feel that I am being selfish but it is not about one thing or other, I mean of course I would like to remain settle in what I am doing, why it is happening at this very time that having forgotten every other things, I have been working out to avoid this unsettlement. People say every day is a different day but why then I wake up every morning and find that there is nothing changed from yesterday. Why, it seems that I am counting my days as if I am going to die or something?
Well may be not in literal terms, but surely these Whys are making me weaker day by day and I see world is going little away from me.

How drastically everything gets changed suddenly that you feel like losing grip on everything: Friends, food, work, fun, life ; All of these used to be the color of life which I used to cherish, all of these are still present but have become so colorless. I mean why?

Why its only me? I am not aware of what kind of phase other people going through, for sure, yes but if I see people around me, I bet my 2 cents that world seems pretty okay for them, at least for now. I was talking to so many people and somehow managed to come to the conclusion that although shit happens in everyone’s life but not with the kind of frequency, it happens in my life. Over the course of my life , if I collate all incidences, It is so surprising to see that journey so far has not been so bad but we live in present, in every day’s small activities which actually leave deep impact in the life. Amazingly it is making sure that all aspect of my life, be it career, social, personal life, everything is F-up.


Sometimes I feel that is it me whose presence is making other people’s life little deteriorated? I am not being hard on me but everyone around me is so messed up in life that I compel to think that it has some invisible links to my awesome misfortune.
One thing I seriously want to pray to God to not be so kind by giving me a feel of anything and than take it away, seriously I am fed up with this and I really don’t want your such graciousness. Leave me alone on my situation and don’t bring up new things in my life. I DON’T WANT THEM!! AM SICK OF IT!!!
I am so tired of keep trying now but I wont let my life go away with circumstances for sure. At least not now. This is, I guess, would be one of those times, where I need to stand tall, stand firm or probably just stand……

I have lost my hope for any miracle for a while, hate to say that though!! It is just typical me who can not just let things dominate me so easily, not a type or person who can let things go away just like that but I have started feeling to have it done in this way. To just relax and see myself going deep down in a abyss. At least let me do it in this way, why I can not see me going down and always try to stop it. May be this is the only thing in my life which kept me being up and running. I am not done yet but what I should do? Timing is flying by and I need a miracle so here I am, lying down and waiting for it. Is there any one up there has time for me?? Look here, rescue me!!!

Ooops……no answer 


No answer but I will be waiting till the it lasts…lets see what is there for me in the future’s hidden pocket. Enough of this procrastination and enough of this if and else conditions. Let’s face it and face it with neutral emotional quotient.

Up somewhere the moon decided to come out with his full strength and sun finally decided to give up with the promise to come tomorrow with revived energy and I am personifying it with myself and decided to take a full stop here. Not only for this blog but also for the all kind of thought processing

Solitude...

Okay, so this actually came as a surprise to me but probably sometimes surprise does work. Currently, pitching down 4 beers and couple of smoke, typing with a bloody finger which I hurt during my wall climbing and seeing my blood all over key board actually gave me an unbelievable feeling. A feeling to be all by myself. This world is in too much trouble to consider my existence and I have probably done too much then I cud, for it.

I am going to put myself in an unknown unseen unreachable solitude. I know it does not really going to make any difference to the world. It is going to be same, full of fun, sadness, joy, new day and new nights.

So bye bye everyone, my cell phone is out of network and my internet is switched off, at least my presence could not make any good to people, hope my absence will make them happy and better….

I promise to re-visit it later and if everything will be working fine, I will sneak out forever unnoticed…

Peace..make it better place for people folks...

Short of words!!

Short of words!!

I wish I could have had better words. I wish I could have sung the songs, songs which when mix with music, probably would have represented my feelings in a better way.

We are going through such a sensitive phase of life where we need to be strong, to face our problems bravely but at the same time, push the other person to move or rather, walk along. In the life, I would like to say thanks to god to bring up the most challenging circumstances of at least a decade. Considering this beautiful age range from 20-30 where it is so hard to balance life’s all aspect: Love, fun, bad time, career, family, friends , health ..endless list!! But how awesome it would be to have them all but still keep moving, leaving aside the bad situations and picking up the good one. Life is never going to be same, we can enjoy or we can be sad, life does not care. We try to full fill our obligations but sometimes forget to see what is never going to come again. ‘The Time’ and "People"

The time which could have been equally heavenly and wonderful as a feeling to be with God. If someone says that he/she is never going to get tough time in life except the present one, I am even ready to be slave to that person for life long but it does not happen in this way, at least in real life.

and People...oh yes, I should talk about them a lot but may be some other blogs totally dedicated to this word...but point remains true ...with time, problems come and go, good time-bad time, success, failure everything bounce back but may be not the same person come back. May be someday same people understand the value of this ...at least I try to!!!


Real life asks a lot from a person and test the individual always to gauge how much he/she can bear. Most of the people get stuck into it, some of them ignore it but who all move ahead with face up and more energy, they at least get away with it. For how long, no one knows but who wants to know?? That will be seen, taken care of, whenever it will come.

Last night I was almost closed to death, just a matter of second and I will be gone forever. No one knows, and who all know, don’t give a shit. But that is life. I feel better and thanks to god to make me aware of the last night’s incidence. It gave me an opportunity to get a better insight of myself and things around me. Seriously, one second mattered and am here writing this blog. I wish I could have had better words to make it look more effective as how I survived and how am I feeling but probably would have had no effect on the world. I would have been gone and so were lots of things with me. May be my family would have cried and remembered me for a long long time but this is life, people can not always stick to grievances. If I look at myself after I was gone, I could see some unfinished dreams, some stuffs back at flat, the same couch where my so called buddies used to hang out and pass out. Even that is anyways getting diminishing because of ‘priorities’. People don’t have time and unknowingly they try to be cool lol..that is so much of a fun to see them pretending that everything is cool. Why would I share what happened last night, they will probably want to know it in a beer bar, have some beers and say fuck that. Well sure, fuck that. I see a laptop, still open, I see a bed still having my jeans, books, cigarettes, glasses and that open window. Oh..I just love this scene outside. I hear a song. “ life is wonderful, life goes full circle, it take silence to make sound… but seriously everyone knows about it but when presented in a song, then people realize that how great it is.

May be the day when I will die ( not before 60 more years dude!!) , I will make it look like a song, hopefully people will then try to remember what just happened!!


May be it is the time, when I should generalize my cut off with everyone, I started it slowly but I guess be it slow or fast, no one notices!! Its same old beer and new buddies..:)

At least my family won't bother about anything else but seeing me alive!!


Peace!!

Souls ..distance apart

Here I am ...trying to put down some words to sketch out a soul, soul which is so far yet so close to my heart. Days have been turning into weeks and then months but only one thought of yours give me purest of the happiness. I never realized that life can take such a sweet turn on the hardest of driveway and you will be there to guide me through.

You are so much into my life that it is hard to word you down here. More am trying to compose, more you are getting into me. "Why, why I love you so much" was your question. To be true, it is unanswerable, I can not write some words to express this 'why'. May be this is how it is supposed to be.

I know you sometimes purposely avoid to be around but you should know that I feel it. I feel it that you are in pain and I see it in me as well. I don't know how but my soul is connected with you through an intangible thread which will only break when my heart stop beating n it beats for you. So my princess, just take care of yourself because it is only you who helps me having heart beat.

Love!!

ILLUSION ..

In deep silence of the nights,
where the time freezes for a while,
and the moving bodies turns lifeless,
in all surroundings, there expands a vast enigma of unrealistic phase,

I m trapped in a prison I can’t escape,
My head is in my hands,
its blocked and thoughtless for the moment,
I m sitting in the darkness all around,
all I can hear are my own words,
trying hard to understand this fanatical arena,
but there is no reality to find across,

seems illusion of my mind,
I have reached my breaking point,
there are my own visions of hell,
I m all alone and no one really knows,

but , behind my smile,
and through the years, and all the while,
I m still trapped in this glorious illusion of life.


~myth

Why people are so fucking retarted sometimes

Why it is so hard to accept the reality. Living dangerously
in the fixed state of mind is not going to help any soon for anyone. I have been seeing these kinds of shits from
all of the people around me. It is sometimes so hard to believe how a well
composed person fucks up his/her life by taking an action which I would rate as
“Retarded”.

.. ..

I am no preacher or a counselor so stop seeking my advices when
you thing that you are a smart ass. Ok, I understand that shit happens sometime
and you can’t control that but for god sake, act sensibly at least sometimes.

.. ..

Having a common sense keeps us away from being termed as Animals.
Get your shits together and don’t fucking “move on” all the times. Step back
and get what you deserve.